i've been spending a lot of time lately on pluralpedia, which tends to happen when my gatekeepers hyperfixate on system mapping. we'll be taking a break soon, so as not to dredge up too many memories from The Void, but it feels like we've finally had a really productive round of it this time. usually any attempts at system mapping end up counterproductive because it causes so much bluriness, but the person who came out of dormancy recently got really into the concept of building a headmate / creating a headmate and has since been very effectively establishing bases of identity for a lot of people that we were struggling to accurately scope out.
i also found a term that really accurately captures our experience of consciousness- portalplexconscious! we've known for a bit about being layered (despite not wanting to acknowledge it at times), but never had a word for our experience with our fronting room being so separate from headspace. it answered a question that i'd had for a while- if i am physically fronting, as in, occupying the body, how is it possible for me to be walking around in the innerworld as well? how is it possible that i have experienced my innerworld before from the point of view of someone NOT occupying the body while i am? i think it very much has to do with being portalplexconscious and multisomatic! it's only possible for me to access my innerworld when i'm meditating or almost sleeping, and when people in my system front together we almost always blend. we also have a really hard time quantifying 'co-con' and how passive influence feels, but i think that's more an autism thing and not necessarily that we don't experience it. almost impossible that we don't from the dissociative standpoint.
we've been so switchy this week. i've only been able to stay in front for, like, two hours at a time. one of our old hosts came out of dormancy a few weeks ago and it's been frustrating for both of us that it seems to default back to him as the fronter instead of one of our current co-hosts. it's been really odd for us for someone to front and so immediately have such a strong sense of identity- which i suppose could be a byproduct of my intentional efforts to not second-guess my own traits when fronting. but it's definitely been throwing me off to know for certain that i'm missing time and also know for certain who was there instead of me. i don't like to sound like i feel entitled to fronting- it's frustrating me that i can't stay fronting because it's distressing my headmate that he's fronting instead and i wish i could do more to help.
today i'd like to say a massive fuck you to tumblr.com. i have yet to encounter something so objectively insignificant that has irritated me so much as the tumblr shadowban. once my posts stopped appearing in the tags, i became quickly attention starved (as i was an active sycourser at the time), and noticed shortly thereafter that my i recieved an error message trying to post any replies. odd- but perhaps a bug, i thought. until, that is, i noticed that non-anonymous asks i sent weren't getting posted...but anon ones were? at this point, i started to look into what the issue could be and found that i have almost definitely been shadowbanned. i contacted tumblr staff, oh, three weks ago? nothing in response from them, haha! you can pay $5 to talk to a 'tumblr technician' on the support site...i made this website for $0 and i am also bitching about this issue for $0. so, pass.